Latex fashions by the Baroness Photo © Mark McQueen

What better way to misspend a cool misty Sunday night than to wander beneath the blue neon haze of the Empire State building to the ominous outskirts of the East Village, where in the shadowy confines of the Alphabet Lounge, the Baroness, New York's self-proclaimed premier designer of elegant and provocative latex fashions, hostesses her monthly Fetish Retinue.

For those new to the city's flourishing S&M scene, the Baroness is a kooky combo of Auntie Mame and Marquis De Sade and the Retinue is a madcap meet and beat for those who like to grog and flog in the height of S&M fashion. It's also a great place to grab a couple of cock...tails and check out a side of life that has to be obscene to be believed.

"A safe place to do dangerous things," is how the Baroness herself describes the evening's proceedings. It's not the most extreme scene in town, but it is a frisky get together for folks who like to bend an elbow as well as their gender assignments. Student anthropologists need not travel to Zimbabwe to study strange and beautiful cultures. For the price of an Absolute and cranberry you can mix with some latex-and-leather-clad locals who are eager to sleaze, pose for a photo or two, and if you're not careful, maybe turn the table, or paddle, on you.

Latex fashions by the Baroness Photo © Mark McQueen

There's no set program to the Retinue's festivities, but you won't have to peel your eyelids back too far to gaze with shock, amazement and maybe a wee bit of envy at an assortment of sordid activities from prostration, mummification, humiliation and just about any other -ation you can think of except the "m" one. There are plenty of clubs on the West Side for that sort of thing.

On the night I was privy to the proceedings, Dominatrix Paulina and Sistine were on hand from Philadelphia's Royale Castle to keep a gorgeous grip on things – much to the agonizing ecstasy of the George Castanza look-a-like who was kneeling before them in bikini briefs and bunny ears. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Not to say the hometown Doms weren't represented, Domina Crystal was ravishing in her red latex ensemble, and her cat-o-nine tails saw more than its share of action. And by the evening's end, Mistress Crystal had the cleanest toes in town thanks to the tenacious tongue of an enthusiastic admirer. (Glad I'm not his toothbrush.)

So there you have it rubber-shorts fans. If you go for this sort of thing, and what's the point of living in Manhattan if you don't, slither into your strictest attire and boogie on down to the Alphabet Lounge on May 6th for the Baroness's next Retinue. And if you don't have anything unthinkable enough to wear, check out www.baroness.com and she'll have you fit to be tied in no time.