Destiny's Child at the press conference to launch the Candie's Foundation, West Side High School, NYC, 5/2/01 (A month before the benefit concert) Photo © 2001 NY Rock

First impression: I felt like I was attending a huge bas mitzvah. You know, those really fancy shmancy bas mitzvahs with kitchy hot-dog carts (check), gift baskets for auction (check), lots of sparkly stuff (check), screaming girls and their tag-along younger brothers (check), thumping music (check), adults dressed to the nines (check) and did I mention everyone was loaded? Check. Instead of professional dancers, there were Playboy bunnies. Yes, you read correctly. The Event to Prevent featured Playboy bunnies.

Playboy bunnies in tight T-shirts, with lots of fake bunny boobs and fake bunny blonde hair. And the ladies were all the same shade of boring, I mean, tan! Older men in suits with silver Playboy bunny lapel pins were hobnobbing with the gals. Oh, the irony. Does anything scream "sex" louder to pre-pubescent kids than Playboy? I was about to spew bunny bile all over myself. Then, right when I was dry heaving, I saw something shocking enough to quell the nausea: These model girls were eating hot dogs. For real. I saw it with my own eyes. Hot dogs. With ketchup. Bunnies eat hot dogs (get your mind out of the gutter, please). Isn't hot-dog consumption akin to chowing on buttered lard for these girls? I guess not. So readers, if you want to know the diet of a Playboy bunny, hot dogs make the list. What was I talking about? Oh, right.

Brande Roderick, Playboy's Playmate of the Year 2001. Participant of Candie's Benefit Concert. Photo courtesy of Baywatch.com

Throughout the night, there were speakers (that read off a teleprompter) including Thora Birch from American Beauty and Judge Hatchett (yes, the judge on TV). There were also televised public-service announcements from Saturday Night Live's Cheri Oteri, WWF's superstar Chyna, Carmen Electra (how the hell did she get this gig?), and Jenny McCarthy, among others. Their message was simple: It's okay to wait, respect yourself. A simple message that's not at all simple to adhere to. Just ask Carmen Electra. While Candie's undeniably caters to young girls, the event made a weak attempt to support boys that want to wait (and, yes, they do exist). If girls look to McCarthy and Electra as icons of female sexiness, whom do you suppose boys want to emulate on the sex front? Are you ready for this one? Andy Dick. I kid you not. Andy friggin Dick was up on the televised screen, shouting "Think of what you can achieve if you don't conceive!" (again, the message was pitched to girls). Now there's a guy that teenage boys look up to as a standard of masculinity. I was horrified. Carl Thomas and rap group Jurassic 5 support the cause, too, but I can't get past the Andy Dickness. On to the music.

When opening band 98 Degrees broke into song, I felt like I was at a wedding reception circa 1990. They are the boy-band equivalent of Celine Dion. They were dressed in white (purity, you see) flowing garments and crooned love song after cheesy love song. They had young female dancers in jeans and white tank tops who did sign language for one of the songs. Every time one of the guys leaned forward into the audience, the fans let out squeals like a score of stuck pigs. "How many of you guys have our album?" one of the members asked the crowd. Ugh.

Macy Gray was up next, and she totally brought down the house. Gray's enthusiasm for performing was the most positive display of self-confidence I saw all night. Gray doesn't have to come onstage half-naked to bare it all. Her exuberance was such that she was bouncing around the stage, singing in that raspy voice and grooving like Stevie Wonder. Over Outkast's beat for "So Fresh So Clean," Gray shouted, "Say 'I am so beautiful!'" and pointed the mic to the audience. She sings the body electric.

I had been waiting all night for Destiny's Child, as I have already crowned them the Band of 2001. At 19 years old, Beyonce Knowles is all that and a can of (root) beer nuts. Knowles can be a bit of a roughneck on the mic, hollering out her lyrics with attitude. The trio cut through "Independent Women Part I," "Bills, Bills, Bills," "Say My Name," and "Survivor." Knowles shouted, "Do we have any bootylicious people in the house?" before breaking into their new single, "Bootylicious." Destiny's Child may be knockouts, but their self-respect shines just as brightly as their sex appeal.

"We have word that 'N Sync is in the building!" wailed Jenny McCarthy. There was a rush to get as close to the front as one possibly could. And there they were, in all their urban-outfitted glory. But Justin Timberlake thinks he's all ghetto, "Wassup New York!" Dude, you were a Mouseketeer, for crying out loud. They did their song-and-dance routine to "Pop" and then bid farewell. One song. Well, they had just come from playing Giants Stadium, so I'll cut them some slack. Except…

According to Parade magazine, 'N Sync's 24-year-old Joey Fatone is about to become a father. Yup. He done knocked a girl up. And like the statistic that Candie's and its benefit are fighting to change, Joey will most likely not marry the mother. Looks like someone could have benefited from his own advice. (Completely unrelated note: Isn't it sad how his last name spells "fat one" and he really is the "fat" one?)

So here it is – Candie's Foundation is definitely a great thing that should have been kicked off decades ago. But for all the girl powers, I was left asking myself, "What about the boys?" 98 Degrees and 'N Sync are (excuse my juvenile mentality) for girls. Boys think those bands are pansies. And don't get me going on Andy Dick (nice name). Where is the marketing pitched at the guys? All this emphasis on telling the girls to be responsible and to respect their bodies and to wait sends the message that guys get off the hook. Despite a century full of equal rights and feminist movements, some things never change. Men still get to be boys, while girls get stuck carrying all the weight (literally and figuratively).

If only Frankie Goes to Hollywood showed up and played "Relax."