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What do you get when:
Answer: Ozzfest The Ozzfest crashed and burned into town with the fury of a runaway train taking the carnival Jersey bound in a deluge of pounding riffs, satanic tiffs and enough male mojo to blow the roof off the PNC Bank Arts Center in New Jersey on July 24, 2000. Heavy and to the heart, Pantera, Godsmack, Static-X, Soulfly and a host of other screechers took on all, from the tattooed burnout set, to preppies looking for a Saturday night fight, to the odd gothic boho. Sitting through the ten-hour onslaught (mainly to see Ozzy) was like having hot melted wax poured on one's genitals. Don't get me wrong – the bands rocked. It's just that I do like a little melody with my music.
Perhaps it was a good thing I had to ditch the camera and seek refuge by security because Ozzy showered the crowd with high-powered water guns cackling like a burnt-out baby throughout his short hour-plus set (usually during the guitar solos). Needless to say, the crowd sucked up every drop as if it were the demon seed. I tasted a drop myself and it slightly resembled sweat; maybe it was leftover bath water from the Ozzman or, worse yet, Ozzy ball-sweat. The man's show was a veritable greatest-hits performance where the hits flowed like the buckets of water thrown at the crowd. It went from the kiddie metal of "Mama, I'm Coming Home," "No More Tears" and "Mr. Crowley," to the metallic thunder of "Crazy Train" and "Paranoid." All while Osbourne posed as the lovable but demented, doddering village idiot, hopping around the stage like a dosed rabbit doing his best Vegas-style heavy metal revue. Pantera preceded Ozzy in what was a genuine full blown, pedal-to-the-metal tour de force of yowls and howls from singer Philip Anselmo. This guy was the real deal, the in-your-face hardcore cousin to Ozzy's glitz. Godsmack singer Sully Erna took the record for the most "fuck"s yelled per minute from a rock-and-roll stage. And Soulfly rocked the second stage with Latin-fused metal that had the crowd going berserk in the mosh pit. If there's one thing the heavy metal mutants can learn from Ozzy, it's that hard rock, melody and spectacle do mix. My advice to the Ozzy protegés out there, change the beat, mix up the tempo, and add a little rhythm every now and then. Please. My ears are still ringingggggggggg. August 2000 MORE...
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