The only thing missing from spring break was obnoxious drunks and nudity. Oh yeah, and the beach. But the it's-so-good-to-be-young-and-alive vibe was retardedly intoxicating.

On tour to support their latest release, Stomping Grounds, Goldfinger catered to the kids with their sunny California brand of ska and punk. Besides playing their hit songs, the band also covered the Cure's "Just Like Heaven" and did Duran Duran's "Rio" in an encore. Really, with all the angry, violent, and growling rap-rock groups, it's fun to see a band of surfer-dudes that likes to party without causing a trip to the emergency room. That's not to say their audience plays well with others. A recorded announcement preceded the performance warning "moshing may take place." At least, I'm pretty sure that's what it said because, upon hearing the recording, everyone was screaming and enthusiastically giving the finger. Sweet.

Some kind of Star Trek theme song acted as Goldfinger's red carpet. Lead singer/guitarist John Feldmann came out wearing a Captain Kirk shirt, ready to beam asses up to the stars. Donning a black shirt, priest collar, and black-and-white stripped knee socks, lead guitarist Charlie Paulson rivals Billy Corgan in who has the smoothest shaved head in rock. Feldmann actually sings (as opposed to barking poorly rhymed phrases), and the rest of the band – Kelly LeMieux on bass, and wack-ass drummer Darrin Pfeiffer – harmonizes as well as any choir I've heard. The crowd couldn't dance fast enough, singing every lyric, and spraying their sweat to mark territory.

Not without smart-ass humor, Goldfinger played their version of the "Thong Song," with Pfeiffer as a stand-in Sisqo. Mimicking the rapper's silver 'do, Pfeiffer wore a battered wig that resembled something between Barbara Bush and Whistler's mother. Pretty bad. Then Pfeiffer mounted a penis punching bag and took to it like a pro (hmmm). The guy occasionally had a floppy dildo hanging from his mouth during the set. Don't ask because I don't know. Later in the set, some babe tossed her white underwear at Paulson. Okay, so maybe there was some nudity after all. I just didn't get to witness it.

Being the nice guys that they are, Goldfinger had a bunch of fans on stage for the last song of the set, "Miles Away." The boys and girls crowded against Feldmann, shared the microphone, and danced themselves stupid. Paulson jumped into the crowd, was returned to the stage, and dove back into the crowd. This show proved that the assholes at Woodstock were either not from New York or not Goldfingerers.

September 2000