November 2002

Now that the CMJ Fest, LadyFest, the Meany Fest, the Rip-You-Off Fest and the Bend-Over-and-Take-It-Like-a-Man Fest have all come and gone, we've suddenly realized that there are actually two days in December when a fest will not be taking place. In response to this, my neighbor, Murray Shyster, has started his own fest: the Shyster Fest.

Murray is a used-car salesman and has not listened to music since 1957. The rules for his fest go like this: Send $100 and the name of your band. Don't bother with a demo, Murray does not own a CD player.

The fest will take place at a Krispy Kreme donut shop somewhere around 14th Street. Each band will be given 27 seconds to play. The winner will most certainly be a member of Murray's immediate family and will receive half their money back as a prize.

Note: Please don't discuss the Shyster Fest with persons outside of the NY area. Murray is wanted in 17 states and owes a significant amount to people across the U.S. Act quickly, the first of 75 extended deadlines has almost passed.

Be well,
Otto Luck