October 2001

One can only guess what the future holds. Here's my take on what to expect in the days to come.

1. The Taliban agrees to hand over bin Laden as long as court actions take place within Kabul city limits and Judge Judy presides over the trial.

2. Three to four thousand benefit concerts crop up per week -- and that's just on your block.

3. Osama bin Laden jokes are told up the kazoo: Balsamic vin Laden, Osama bin Latte, Your-Mama bin Laden earn their place in Webster's dictionary.

4. Insanely angry rap metal bands continue to spew out words of hatred -- only now it's directed at the Taliban instead of their moms and dads.

5. Terrorists are convicted and sentenced to life in coach section of grounded jumbo jet eating food provided by United Airlines.

6. Mariah Carey continues to grow larger and more neurotic with each passing day. Takes small military operation to cart her onto benefit concert stage.

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