Jackie Chan and James Brown in The Tuxedo

Chan plays a hapless taxi driver named Jimmy Tong, who unwittingly passes an impromptu high-speed driving test to become chauffeur for millionaire Clark Devlin (Jason "The Patriot" Isaacs). Devlin is a suave mo-fo, so smooth he makes James Bond (Sean Connery, the real one) look like Benny Hill.

After Devlin is injured in a skateboard car bombing that guys from the likes of MTV's "Jackass" wouldn't even try, Jimmy vows vengeance in the name of his master/employer in true Kung Fu movie fashion. Tong dons both Devlin's identity and his tuxedo, the latter effort being the one thing Jimmy's boss told him never to do. After a glance at the tux's chief accessory, a high-tech watch with settings that enable the wearer to do everything from mambo to massacre, it's clear this tuxedo is razor sharp in more ways than one. If only The Tuxedo's story line were half as elegant or edgy.

And before you can say "House Special Chow Fun," the tires squeal, bad guys fly and madcap mayhem ensues at an epileptic pace that threatens to burst the Tuxedo at its seams. Yet the movie manages to keep theater-goers, if not in stitches, at least not in need of chopsticks to keep their eyes open.

Soon Tong's tux leads him into a cloak-and-dagger combat with Dietrich Banning (Ritchie "Don't Call Me Cunningham" Coster), a diabolical bottled-water producer out to corner the global H20 market by poisoning the Earth's water supply via a swarm of bacteria-carrying mosquitoes. (No need to consider the plot too closely. The screenwriters didn't. Why should you?)

And no secret agent worth his cyanide tablets would attempt saving the world without a feisty female operative at his side. Enter Del Blaine (Jennifer L. Hewitt), a rookie spy aghast at Tong's unorthodox tactics, including his interrogation of Banning's floozy fiancée Cheryl (Mia Cottet) by means of a foot massage that puts the ah in acupressure. Del tags along finding it hard to believe that tongue-twisted Tong is really the super-agent Devlin, as famous for his "undercover" work off duty as well as on. She stands by, arms folded, as if patiently waiting for news that "Party of Five - The Movie" is finally a go. But mostly she makes faces and harps at Jimmy for not doing things by the training manual, not realizing that Tong has most likely never even seen a driver's manual.

It's all in a hard day's night in the spy game and luckily it all comes to a happy ending just at the same time that your brain and bladder are likely to burst from the story line and 64-oz. soda. To his fans, Jackie Chan is the man and to them The Tuxedo is bound to satisfy like a $4.95 sweet-and-sour pork lunch special. Though all but the greasiest entertainment gourmands are bound to be hungry for something more substantial in twenty minutes or less.