I have to admit, I spent most of my time during the Warner Brothers screening of Practical Magic gawking at Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, trying to remember that there was a movie going on in the vicinity. It's not that the film was bad -- it's no Gone With the Wind, but it was passable. Let's just say that if you're a red-blooded hetero and you've got two gorgeous actresses like these before your eyes, the absence of a plot is no big deal.

Dead Husbands 'R' Us

Based on the Alice Hoffman novel, the movie Practical Magic is the story of two sisters, Sally (Bullock) and Gillian (Kidman) Owens, who come from a family of witches that have the misfortune of dooming men to death by the mere fact that they've fallen in love with them, which is actually quite ironic since in the real world it basically works the opposite way. Ah, but I digress...

Come to This Placenta Bar Often?

Raised by Aunts Jet and Frances (played by the stunningly talented duo of Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing), the sisters spend their lives being disdained by the townsfolk who mock them as children and ridicule them as adults, for selling placenta soap bars in their herbal body shop.

No One's Perfect

The sisters form distinctly different personalities as they reach maturity. Sally grows into a loving, conservative wife and mother; Gillian becomes a deliciously wild femme fatale. After Sally's husband dies of matrimony somewhere in scene one, the movie shifts to Gillian who is tripping the light fantastic at poolside with a parade of men and booze. She involves herself with a wrong sort of guy named Jimmy (Goran Visnjic) who has the disturbing personality traits of drinking too much and being a serial killer.

Sex, Drugs and Bella Donna

Soon Jimmy gets his due. The girls drug him with bella donna, kill him, bring him back to life, and then kill him again, something that I imagine is the fantasy of many a scorned woman. Enter detective Gary Hallet (Aidan Quinn) who comes knocking, following the disappearance of Jimmy. And somewhere in there is a plot -- I know that because I read the production notes.

Did I Mention That Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman Are, Like, Really Beautiful?

Practical Magic does offer some decidedly impressive elements. The film has a poetic beauty to it with its twilight-blue sunsets and dreamy pink dawns. And the acting bowls you over. Sandra Bullock is amazing, not to take anything away from Nicole Kidman who is also talented and, just in case I forgot to mention, stunningly beautiful. The film's problem lies in its weak story line and its tendency to lean towards some heavy-handed cornball humor. (During a covenant of witches, one of the attendees shows up with a Dust Buster instead of a broom. Oy.)

The Keith Richards Look-a-Like Contest

Since I've given most of the story away, I may as well be consistent and finish the job. Eventually, as one might expect, Jimmy rises from the dead to live a third time. Talk about heroin chic, at this point the poor fellow's skin is glowing with the most ghoulish blue pallor I've ever seen and his irises are as silver as fresh-minted coins, making Keith Richards look like one glowing specimen of health.

Three Strikes and You're Dust

The remainder of the film focuses on how the girls, with the help of Aunts Jet and Frances, go about getting Jimmy the hell out of their lives for a third and final time. Eventually, as you might imagine, the women-folk pull it off. They form the aforementioned Dust Buster covenant, turn Jimmy into a heap of dust and sweep him out of their lives -- another neat trick that many of today's women would love to master.

Also, as you might imagine, a romance blooms between Gary the Cop and Sally the Witch. After a couple of miscues, Gary gets Sally and the movie wraps up on a happy, albeit somewhat silly note. It's Halloween and the witches perform a couple of tricks for an adoring crowd of townspeople. Soon Stevie Nicks breaks in singing a perky little number and the film's credits roll by.

By the way, have I mentioned that Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are, like, really good looking....