Sandra Bernhard     More Photos Lilith Fair, PNC Bank Arts Center, New Jersey August 7, 1999, Photo © 1999 NY Rock

"Why," she asked in a distinctly butch tone, "were you taking pictures?"

"Well, Helga," I answered sheepishly, "my mother bought me this camera for Christmas and..."

"Don't B.S. me," warned Helga, her jowls bouncing viciously, like rice pudding on a fast-moving train, "I like to take away press credentials."

I looked at my little cardboard badge. It had somehow miraculously suddenly turned into the Hope Diamond. "I'm not afraid of you," I retorted. "My wife beats the shit out of me everyday."

At this point, I suggested that we duke it out later, like maybe after the show was over, and I returned to my seat to enjoy the Pretenders who were in the process of kicking out a blistering version of "My City Was Gone." You can't blame me for trying to sneak a few extra shots of Chrissie: she is a phenomenon. The woman has been around for decades, she still looks tough and beautiful, she is an amazing singer/songwriter, and on this particular evening, she and the band were delivering nothing short of a spellbinding performance.

Chrissie Hynde     More Photos Lilith Fair, PNC Bank Arts Center, New Jersey August 7, 1999, Photo © 1999 NY Rock

In fact, I can complain little about the Lilith Fair. It is one hell of a well-organized event featuring some amazing talents that, in addition to the aforementioned Pretenders, include the likes of organizer Sarah McLachlan, Sheryl Crow, comedienne Sandra Bernhard, Suzanne Vega, and newcomer Mya, who was the first act we saw upon arrival at the PNC Bank Arts Center in New Jersey on August 7th. Mya is a svelte, dark-eyed beauty whose set includes a troupe of backup dancers and a repertoire of R&B-tinged pop. One small critique: the Mya performers may want to drop the khaki baggies, the Gap is already on to the vest look at this point in time.

Sandra Bernhard followed Mya's performance. Her brilliant comedy somehow failed to ignite the crowd (go figure). She did, however, deliver a knock-out rendition of Aerosmith's "Dream On." (Yes, Virginia, she can sing.) Later, she joined both the Pretenders during "Middle of the Road" and Sheryl Crow for the Guns N' Roses number "Sweet Child O' Mine." I would have snapped some pictures of these cherished moments but Helga probably would have beaten the living crap out of me.

It seems like as good a time as any to sneak in a little information about the Lilith Fair that I suspect the public-at-large – at least the male segment – would be interested in. First, one might consider the Lilith Fair to be prime ground for picking up chicks. I would tend to confirm this. The ratio of women to men in the audience was probably damn close to 3:1. The lingerie department of Bloomingdales aside, you probably won't find such good odds in any other location.

More statistics: The good news is that at least 23% of the aforementioned female population were sporting the bra-less tank top look. The bad news (or good news depending on your sex and/or preference) is that at least 34% percent of the lovely ladies were clearly of the lesbian persuasion.

Back to the music: Following the Pretenders, Sheryl Crow took the stage. Understandably, Sheryl chose not to play her flagship song "All I Wanna Do (Is Have Some Fun)" (the girl just wants to have a break) but she did churn out a nearly flawless performance while dusk slowly set in the Jersey sky. As mentioned, Sandra Bernhard joined her for "Sweet Child O' Mine" which probably would have sounded excellent if the sound engineers had remembered to turn on Sandra's mike before half the song was over. (These fellows just don't get enough sleep, I tell you.) Nevertheless, after a small attempt to French kiss Sheryl Crow at the song's end, Sandra triumphantly left the stage, unflustered by the small mishap, allowing Crow and company to wrap up their stellar performance.

Sarah McLachlan     More Photos Lilith Fair, PNC Bank Arts Center, N.J. 8/7/99, Photo © 1999 NY Rock

As is Lilith Fair tradition, Sarah McLachlan closed the event wowing the crowd with a moving set of ballads and light rock delivered through one of the most beautiful voices in the business. All told, the Lilith Fair seems pretty much everything an organized event should be. For one, as mentioned, it actually is organized. This is not be taken for granted, of course (did somebody say Woodstock '99?). In addition, there was a camaraderie among the performers, and a general flow of positive vibes within the crowd, that simply could not be missed. (I think I even saw Mistress Helga crack a smile or two between socking a few journalists in the jaw.) What can I say, I'm just an old softie. Nights like this warm the heart, goddammit, they really do.