Oct. 2000 –
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Sex, Drugs and Slimeballs: Jerry Halls Files for Divorce from Mick Jagger, by Otto Luck
 

Yes, it's true, boys, Jerry Hall, will soon be looking for a new boyfriend and it could be you (how's your net worth these days?). The 42-year-old wife of Mick Jagger – best known for, uh, being the wife of Mick Jagger – filed for divorce, citing "adultery with an unnamed woman" as grounds. The leggy, blonde native of Mesquite, Texas (am I giving you more information than you want?) is asking for a cool $50 million. That ought to get her through a hard winter or two, don't you think.

It appears that Jerry is more than a little miffed over the fact that some five months after Mick knocked up Brazilian underwear model Luciana Gimenez Morad, Morad decided to display her bulging belly on the cover of some notable London newspapers. You can't blame Jerry for being mad, can you? On the same token, however, you can't blame Morad for playing the proud mama – after all, it is her first.

After issuing the statement that Jagger is a "lying, cheating, no-good slimeball," Hall hired Mishcon de Reya, the firm that represented Princess Diana in her divorce from Prince Charles. Meanwhile, Morad has retained New York matrimonial lawyer Raoul Felder to represent her. What does Morad need a lawyer for, you ask? Hey, this is show business, have my attorney call yours, he'll explain everything.

Of course, this is not the first time the 55-year-old rock star has strayed from Camelot. Jagger's numerous infidelities since his marriage to Hall in 1990 have been well publicized. They are rumored to include dalliances with actresses Uma Thurman and Valerie Perrine, Czech model Jana Rajich, Italian model Carla Bruni, Australian model Peta Wilson, British rock star David Bowie, my cleaning lady Mrs. Rodriguez, my cousin Ruth, and the entire female populations of Canada, Switzerland and Central America.

Hall has consulted with lawyers on prior occasions over Mick's indiscretions. In fact, in December of '97, Jerry gave birth soon after the couple were reported near break-up over one of Mick's affairs, prompting London tabloids to dub the child (Gabriel Luke Beauregard Jagger) the "Kiss and Makeup Baby," a phenomenon, I suppose, which results from the act of makeup sex, conducted without a condom.

Of course, at this point, you're probably feeling pretty bad for Jerry. There she is sitting at home in the mansion, minding the kids – Elizabeth, James, Georgia and Gabriel – supervising the live-in Nanny, in between taking sips of champagne and filing her nails. Meanwhile Mick is busy touring the globe spreading his seed among half the females in the audience (the better looking half, I imagine).

Hall deserves every penny of that 50 mill, by Golly, if not a hundred. Nonetheless, there is but another twist in the sordid proceedings. Jerry is rumored to be having an extra-marital dalliance (don't you love that word) of her own. According to the London Sun, Hall has a new man in her life: 41-year-old real-estate tycoon Guy Della, whom she met some two odd months ago.

I imagine this should ease some of the pain for Hall, should her case not go well. Currently, Jagger's estate is reported to be worth anywhere from 200 to 250 million dollars. Should Jerry receive the settlement she seeks (a tough act in the English legal system), she will effectively reduce Mick's net worth by one-fifth (if my math is right). Interestingly enough, Hall and Jagger reportedly signed a prenuptial agreement, limiting Hall to $10 million, prior to tying the knot. How will this play out in the English High Court? Is it a deal-breaker? Beats me. All I know is that where I come from, a deal's a deal. You agree to 10 mill, you get 10 mill. Then again, I guess things are different over there – in Mesquite, Texas.


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