1999
Academy
Awards

1999 MTV
Awards

1999
Grammy
Awards
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David E. Kelley
David E. Kelley
   
51st Annual Emmy Awards: Why I Love the Emmys, by Mason Hawk
You would think that American audiences would have had enough of awards shows by now, especially one like the Emmys. After all, it quite possibly does more than anything else to perpetuate prime-time TV, the most mindless of all entertainment mediums. But we wouldn't miss the Emmys for anything, now would we. Where else can you witness so much decadence in one sitting, chockfull of silicon implants out for a fabulous night on the town, outfits whose price tags could feed small nations for centuries, and a parade of self-absorbed celebrities shamelessly stroking each others' egos? You gotta love it.

Hosted by Jenna Elfman ("Dharma and Greg") and perennial Emmy winner David Hyde Pierce ("Frasier"), the Emmys did little to surprise, or amuse (for that matter). The presenters filed up to the stage one after another and dutifully cranked out some of the corniest humor our poor beleaguered ears will have to endure (until the next awards show rolls along). The winners picked up their trophies, stroked their cast, their crew and, of course, all their agents, with long-winded speeches. Awards-show hounds Regis Philbin and Stone Cold Steve Austin made their obligatory appearances. (These guys obviously have way too much time on their hands.)

  Calista Flockhart
Calista Flockhart
As usual, "Frasier," "NYPD Blue" and "Mad About You" were winners (they must be paying someone off). David Hyde Pierce, Dennis Franz and Helen Hunt won for the 999th time (but who's counting). John Leguizamo, Edie Falco ("The Sopranos") and Michael Badaluko ("The Practice") won their first. "The Practice" won for Best Drama Series, "Ally McBeal" for Best Comedy, making their creator, David E. Kelley, the big winner of the night (Kelley's previous creations include "Doogie Howser, M.D.," "Picket Fences," and "Chicago Hope"). On the upside, the "Chris Rock Show" took home a well-deserved Emmy. A subdued Rock (I guess he's all pooped out from singlehandedly saving the MTV Awards) graciously stated that Conan O'Brian had a better show. And though you know, and I know, that Rock probably didn't mean a word of it, it was a damn nice thing to say, nonetheless.

Jack Nicholson, looking ice cool in rose-colored sunglasses, sat quietly holding hands with Lara Flynn Boyle. Unfortunately, Jack's date didn't win. More unfortunate, however, was the fact that Ol' Jack never made it up to the podium to interject a little well-needed zest into the proceedings. Can't say I blame him.

Halle Berry
Halle Berry
   
The most sickening moment of the night? The award goes to... Emmys being presented to the Grammy Awards (for Best Direction) and the Tony Awards (for Best Variety Show). Need I say more?

The Internet worked its way into the proceedings. A "Most Memorable Moment" vote, culled from a viewers' choice page on Excite.com, was announced during the evening. I missed it (must have had something to do with deep coma I lapsed into) but later learned it went to a Friends episode. Earlier on, around midway through the show, Excite managed to plug itself again via a logo on the "Television of the Future" during a segment hosted by Bill Maher. Between you and me, however, it ain't the future yet and if you want to find something on the Web, go to Yahoo. It's still the king.

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