Axl Rose of Guns n' Roses performing a surprise finale at the MTV VMAs, Radio City Music Hall, NYC, August 29, 2002. Photo by John Shearer © 2002 MTV.com.

There is no reason I can think of why Pink should not be my girlfriend. And, goddamn, her CD has yet to get old. Oh yeah, and I love the fact that she was *wasted* when she got her award.

I want to take Enrique Iglesias and Anna Kournikova and flush them down el crapadora. They annoy the fark out of me.

Avril Lavigne

I fell asleep before it was over only to wake up this morning and find out that Axl Fucking Rose rocked the house.

Gwen Stefani, get over yourself. Really. The rest of us are and have been for a while now. Don't look so shocked when Kurt Loder says you've gone hip-hop. You're a tart.

Michael Jackson has a gut. Yes he does.

The White Stripes rule, regardless of the fact that Jack White is taking his cues from J-Lo and starting a movie career.

Mary J. Blige is the absolute bomb, even though she looked like she was an extra in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in that outfit.

Pink accepting award at the MTV VMAs, Radio City Music Hall, NYC, August 29, 2002. Photo by John Shearer © 2002 MTV.com.

David "Stefani" Lee Roth and Sammy "Jheri curl" Hagar: Stop. Immediately. I'm impounding your has-been asses.

Jimmy Fallon's opening sequence was hysterical. Carson Daly, please report to my office so I can fire you.

James Brown!! James Brown!! Note: when James came out, the camera cut to Anna and Enrique just as Enrique said to the tennis star, "It's James Brown." I.e. Anna had no idea who James Brown was. Smack that chick up, please. Somebody.

Hives, Vines. Vines, Hives. Hives, Hives. Vines, Vines. Strokes? Exactly.

G 'n' f'in' R. Oh yeah.