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The real question is: Was there life during Tommy Lee? It appears that a good percentage of the Anderson-Lee relationship comprised Tommy kicking the crap out of poor Pammy and having her costar in cheesy homemade sex videos. God bless our happy home...
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Looking for a boyfriend
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Of course, as these cheesy videos readily point out, Tommy does have one hell of a good-sized schlong, and I suppose this kept Pammy happy in-between receiving the occasional black eye and misplaced rib. Having an atypically large male organ, however, does not the perfect husband make. Otherwise, Pammy could have just gone down to the orangutan cage at the local zoo and chosen any one of a number of good-looking primates as her mate.
But alas, Pammy is more picky than that. She clearly favors good-looking rock stars from bad heavy metal bands. Before Tommy, there was Bret Michaels of Poison, who, by the way, has his own sex tape of Pammy. Michaels is in negotiations with IEG (official distributors of Pam & Tommy Lee: Hardcore & Uncensored) to release it.
The Rise and Fall of Pam and Tommy
As the fabled story goes, Pammy met Tommy in 1995 and the couple married three days later on a beach in Cancun. Unfortunately, the fact that Tommy is somewhat of an asshole did not reveal itself during this 72-hour pre-nuptial period. It did, however, rear its head quite conspicuously in the next thousand-some-odd days, during which time Tommy managed to father two children (Brandon Thomas and Dylan Jagger) and rearrange a few of Pammy's internal organs.
Nevertheless, Pam appeared to remain something of the perfect wife during the tempestuous three-year marriage. She brought in plenty of money as C.J. Parker in Baywatch, rescuing bad swimmers by using her silicon breasts as natural flotation devices. Furthermore, she reportedly not only kept a clean home but did her housework in the nude (something I'm still trying to get my wife, Pumpkin Luck, to agree to) and miraculously found time to procreate in-between it all.
Pammy to the rescue
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Finally, though, one day after having an argument over whether to have Pammy's parent over for the day or to have wild, unabandoned sex in front of a Panasonic camcorder, Tommy gave Pammy a swift kick that caused her to have a broken fingernail and a red back. (I kid you not; that's what the police report said). This was the famous beginning of the end. Tommy went into the slammer for 180 days and Pammy went into an intensive session with her manicurist.
So why did it take Pammy three years and two divorce filings to finally pull the plug on the abusive relationship? "I'm one of those people," says she, "where it doesn't take a brick to fall on my head, just a building."
There are those of us who would assume that many buildings have landed on Pammy's head in her lifetime, and there are others that claim there is an intelligent woman behind the squeaky voice and the D-sized cups.
Nevertheless, Pammy has clearly gone through rough times and I must include myself in the crowd that wish her the best. She is currently the star and executive producer of a new Columbia Tristar comedy-action series, V.I.P, and reportedly has a million-dollar deal in the works for her autobiography – so she's not exactly hurting.
But how's her love life these days? Well, when David A. Keeps of Details magazine recently informed Pam that her name was an anagram that could be translated to "mean personal ad," Pammy wrote a classified of her own: "Single white female, doesn't want to meet anybody. For a very long time." Nonetheless, if you play in a bad heavy metal band, I suggest you give her a call. I think you stand a chance...
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