NY Rock: Dear Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I have always had a suspicion that my boyfriend adores my best friend. She is cute and dresses sexy so it's only natural I guess. I wanted to test them to see if they would hook up, so one night we went out and all got drunk and came back to our place and got cozy. We all ended up in our huge bed and started to sleep. I went to the bathroom and stayed extra long to see if they would start something. I flipped on the light really suddenly and saw that they had moved towards each other and I was certain they had been screwing around. The next day I confronted my guy and he denied it, so did she. I don't know what to do. I feel like they want each other and I am merely in the way. What should I do? How can I find out the truth?
- Tammy

Dear Tammy,
Sounds like you are about 13 years old to me so the "drunk" part struck me as odd. If you are not 13 then you have a problem. First of all, letting hot girlfriends around your guy is asking for trouble. Why invite temptation? There is enough of that out there, why bring it into your relationship? Keep single girlfriends and your boyfriend kinda separate if you can. Sure, it works out sometimes, but most of the time it ends up in huge cat fights so why bother? The fact that she dresses hot around your guy means you have to be sly and just make plans with her when he isn't around and vice versa. If he loves you, he will more than likely always adore any of your cute gal pals, as they may be slightly similar to you in character and hence, his type. Don't do anything now, just let things run naturally. If they were meant to be together, they will eventually, but in the mean time, enjoy him alone and don't do that again. It's stupid and masochistic.
- Dr. Dot

Dear SS,
Sex is the time we let out our inner animal. Have you ever heard animals fucking? It's loud; it sounds naughty and primitive. Society has us all caged up in rules, deadlines and manners. The only time a man can really let loose is either when he engages in sports or sex. If a man is fucking you the right way, a decent amount of sound should come out of you. The more grunts and groans a man hears, the more confident he is that he is doing you the right way. Silent sex should only occur if you are staying at the in-laws house and they are within ear shot (ditto with young kids being around). Sex should be the ultimate expressive experience, where one lets their hair down and vowels out in a loud manner. Don't be so damn cold. Let him have it. Tell him with moans and/or naughty words that he is setting you free. If he isn't then tell him until he does it right. I can't imagine being quiet during sex. How boring would that be? There are, however, men who don't like to hear a peep out of their women. If you really can't bring yourself to be verbally hot, then maybe you should find a guy who adores your silent sexual behavior. Sex is a good area to behave like Goldie Cocks. I mean, Locks. It has to be just right for you.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I am dating a new guy and everything is great. It's just when it comes to oral sex, he gets mad that I won't swallow his sperm. My question is, why do men have this thing about a woman swallowing? As long as I suck it, why do they care where it goes? I am willing to spend a lot of time cock sucking and licking their balls and have been told I'm pretty good at it. But when he is starting to cum, I grab his cock and keep a tight rub on it so he feels good. I do not want that stuff in my mouth. What's the problem? Although I love to be eaten my favorite thing is to have my tits sucked and milked. If some disgusting liquid came out, I wouldn't care whether he swallowed. Just suck it. Am I off base?
- 'Not havin' it' Nancy

Dear Nancy,
First of all, you should think of starting a career in sexy journalism. I am sure you have most of the men who read your letter wondering how to get in touch with you, as finding a woman who likes "to spend a lot of time cock sucking and licking balls" is highly sought after. Swallowing a man's tide shows that you accept him, every drop of him. His sperm is his personal liquid gold, their most valuable juice and if you won't swallow it, it's kind of like saying "you aren't good enough to swallow" and, hence, they get pissed off and disappointed.

If his spunk smells or taste funny to you, it is nature’s way of telling you "don't breed with this wanker!" If you are in love, you should want to swallow his spunk (unless it's super-chunk-clam-chowder style, then anyone would understand the resistance. But if you just can't seem to bring yourself to do so, then tell the guy up front, "I will suck you 'til the cows come home, but I don't swallow. If you have a problem with that, then we will just skip the whole blow job part of our relationship." This should solve that problem immediately, as most men would choose a non-swallow blowjob over no blowjob at all.
- Dr. Dot

Dr. Dot,
I am writing to see if you have information on/or feedback about excessive body hair. I’ve really been struggling with this the past few years. It started when I was about 22. I used to have a little hair on my chest, which I didn’t mind at all, but it seemed to get worse over the years. By the time I turned about 28, the hair on my chest spread all over my stomach and then I started to get hair on my neck, back, ass, ears, nose, and everywhere else in unwanted places. I tried to ignore it but it just got out of control. One night when I was a little buzzed I shaved my arms, but I couldn't seem to stop there. By the way, it’s true what they say about "don’t shave it because it will come back thicker and more hairy." I don’t want to sound like a whiny little bitch but it’s not just my self-esteem that is crushed, it is also uncomfortable and itchy. When I have my shirt off, the wind blows some of the hairs on my back and it tickles and itches making it uncomfortable and such a nuisance. Even with my shirt on it still itches my back to no extent. I like to try to stay well groomed so I still shave once every month or two. I use a shear with a guard to shave my legs, armpits, and eyebrows. Then I take the guard off and do my arms, ass, and part of my lower back (what I can reach). I’ve pretty much given up on my back because I can’t reach it well and am too embarrassed to ask anyone else to help me with it.

I’ve never tried waxing because it sounds painful and I think I have too much hair in private places to hire someone to wax me all over. I remember seeing an advertisement for the smooth epilady years ago but I heard it is very painful too. I don’t think laser hair removal is advanced enough either. Plus, from what I understand, the laser will take care of black hairs only after many treatments and it does nothing for the white type of hairs on our bodies and I can’t really afford an expensive solution. What can I do?

Please give me some tips, info, or something to help me with this. I know if anyone can help, it is you Dr. Dot. I believe in you, appreciate, and respect you. I think if I could get this under control, I may have more confidence in myself to help get my self-esteem back up and energy to workout and exercise more and etc. It is so uncomfortable. Even with a shirt on, it is so itchy. I’m so depressed and I have such a low self-esteem right now and the excess body hair doesn’t seem to help out the situation. Please help me if you can. Thanks for your time!
- Sincerely,
Fuzzy Fred

Dear F-Fred,
That sucks that you are unhappy about your hairy body. It is something that you really can't change. If you think you are sad because it is, in your eyes (or maybe some females) unattractive, just know that there are women who love that. Naturally you will find one who loves you so much that she even digs your fur. It just means you are a REAL MAN! This is how men are supposed to be, hairy. We women usually want someone who is the opposite of us. We are smooth and soft, so we yearn for men who are hairy and hard (some areas should be hard). You could save up and get the laser hair removal treatment but it is SUPER expensive and like you said, sometimes it requires many treatments. My Uncle has a hairy back and has his partner put Nair on his back once or twice a month.

Please, just embrace yourself, as life is so fucking short and there is no point in worrying about something you have no control over. Everyone has something about themselves that they really want to change, and I mean EVERYONE. I had to laugh a bit when you said the wind blows your back hairs; that sounds so cute! Listen, women LOVE a confident man, so I suggest you start feeling comfortable in your own skin and hair! Be so cocky about it. Know that it means you have loads of testosterone and you are a really potent man. Grow to be so confident about it that you can even ask your new gal or what have you, to trim it a bit with a comb and scissors once in a while, or the Nair routine. Honest, my advice is to love yourself ASAP! It will be a contagious state of mind and the only logical solution. Hope this helps a tiny bit.
- Dr. Dot xx

Dear Fred,
No way, tons of men have a foot fetish. My webmaster is one and I have been talking to him on and off for years about it. I think it's harmless and just means you love to worship in some way and love to be dominated, even if it means just having someone stand over you. Feet are the perfect way to see if a girl is well groomed elsewhere by the way. If her feet are nasty, her muff will be a nightmare as well.
- x Dr. Dot

Dear PoP,
Most girls HATE that. Trying to stop a man from gawking at other women is like trying to make a dog stop sniffing other dogs' asses. You need to lay it on the line with your guy, preferably after a meal or sex, when he is in a good mood. Remind him that you two are not together 24/7, so, he should gorge on eye candy as much as he wants when you are not around, BUT when he is with YOU, he needs to tone it down a notch and make you feel wanted. If he still drools over other chicks after this little chat, you need to either accept it as part of who he is, or move on. If I were you, I would rock his world (blow him) before you even go out to take the edge off of his appetite and wear a sexy dress that keeps his eyes on you.
- Dr. Dot

Marco,
First decide what kind of girl you want. If you want a party girl, I suggest going to bars that have karaoke because there you will find women with more ambition and talent then the average bar fly in normal bars. People in a karaoke bar like to challenge themselves and questions like "Are you going to sing?" or "Do you want to sing with me?" are easy icebreakers. Or go to a gay bar/disco, there are always a couple of hot girls there, usually wishing there was at least ONE hetero guy in the house. And LORD knows there are plenty of gay bars in NYC!

If you want a quiet, serious type gal, take a yoga class. Shopping in Victoria's Secret (for your sister, of course) is a good way to be surrounded by cute women. Or, if you have the balls, go get a pedicure at any nail salon, and don't be shy once you are in there, you will probably be the ONLY guy there.
- Dr.

Carol P.,
He is exaggerating. Most girls HATE anal sex. If he thinks it is so great, tell him you will try it but only if he lets you ram a dildo up his ass (you wouldn't want him missing out on any of the so-called pleasure!) Men like anal due to the tight fit and because it's so naughty, but they don't realize how much it hurts until they try it. They think we all love it thanks to porn flicks, where the girls are getting paid a lot to pretend they like it. Never do what you don't want to do. If he doesn't like it, he can find himself a canal pal!
- Dr. Dot

Hi Katie,
Your friend is being so insensitive that I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. She is probably jealous or has nothing going on in her life exciting enough to talk about. Either way, before you two meet up, tell her on the phone or per email that YOU want to be the only one to tell people about your new guns. If she still does it, embarrass her and yell, "I told you I would like to break the good news myself, stupid bitch!" This should shut her up.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Frank,
Always shower before you head to your massage appointment. If you can't, buy some baby wipes and wipe down the most offensive areas. You can relax knowing you aren't fuming, and the therapist won't be scorning you in their mind the whole time.

Don't eat a big meal directly before the rub down. You will feel like you are laying on a rock AND your belly will be making embarrassing noises if you do.

Dear Jeff,
Try to bring it up while the both of you are driving. This way you don’t have the threatening eye contact and she can run off in a huff. If you mention this in bed, it will ruin the sexy mood and she may feel like a cornered cat. First, mention some things that really turn you on and that you want to try, then say, "By the way sweetie, I find lately when you do your baby talk that my hard on goes soft. Can you try to save that for out of the bedroom?" And she should take the hint that it is a turn off in and out of bed. If she keeps it up, answer her baby talk in the most obnoxious baby-talk tone you can whip up and she should REALLY get the hint.
- Dr. Dot