© 2006 Dr. Dot, NY Rock
Dr. Dot (a nickname given by Frank Zappa in 1988) has tended to the musical elite for nearly two decades. She describes
herself as a "rock chick" who, as a teenager, wanted to meet her musical heroes without trading sexual favors. Instead, Dr.
Dot offered massages, which she had been perfecting since she was five years old. Clients have included Sting, Eminem, the Rolling
Stones, Sheryl Crow, Robert Plant, Kiss, Aerosmith, Blondie, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Vin Diesel, R. Kelly and Bruce Willis.
She recently completed her first American book, "Butt-Naked and Backstage: Diary of the World's Greatest Rock and Roll
Submit a question to Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
Please help me. I am 39 years old and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated
18 years ago, and 3 years ago. He set up a meeting via the Internet with a woman... That
woman was me! (He didn't know it.) He seeks "relief" with porno and live
Internet chats. A while ago I came home to
find him with his pants down on line-live. This has all devastated me. Our sex
life is horrible. Perhaps seven times last year. He blames me for his behavior and
our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional
needs. When emotional intimacy is lacking, I can not have sex. If so, I feel
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of our marriage. At first,
being young, I was devastated but learned to understand the testosterone beast. I
do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and
I've many times expressed my insecurities and he stops -- only for it to show its ugly
face again later.
He has recently told me that he
masturbates after we have sex, thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like
a failure. I feel like I will never be enough for him. I still love
him and other than these sex issues, he is an honorable man, a truly
devoted father, keen business man and great friend. I don't
want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do.
I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave. It never
seems like a good time to break up our family.
I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own
business. These things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them
and I feel like it's over. I feel like my best friend died.
When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he
says he knows it will hurt me but that he
needs the "release." This tells me that one day that release could be a woman.
That is something I do not want to be around for.
- Pissed-off Pat
You say he is an "honorable man" and "devoted father and friend" and you still love him, so
why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a
hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found
another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if
you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all
know, forbidden things taste the best!
Stop taking his naughty side so seriously. The more
you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good,
that is all that matters! You can never control what another person does and why
would you want to? If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you
should consider leaving him. But it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on
him (setting up traps for him on-line -- tsk tsk!), which
means you have way too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that
he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual
fantasies about others and porn makes it easier.
If I were you I would concentrate on your career and kids.
When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone
time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or
love you. It doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you. It means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit
in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with
anyone. I see women. I want them. I take them. They give themselves to me,
and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond
comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I
feel as though women are motivated by money -- that basically without money I
would never be getting laid at all. And that sort of makes me the
Forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. Pretty
fucked up perception and I don't want it anymore. I want to believe in LOVE
again. How? Help.
- Bitter Bob
I am wondering how these "money motivated whores" even know your financial
status? You must flash and flaunt it otherwise they wouldn't know you have it.
You have a Catch-22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid
because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your
money (rock stars have the same dilemma: They get laid thanks to their
status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain
with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubber neck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child-bearing
sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money.
Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they
want that safe nest to bare children, so it's usually not an evil motivation.
It's human nature. Just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male.
You can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can
change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants. Try using
your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes,
gyms, etc. Also, sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the
You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman, you
get my drift.
The tall, slender, hot women know they are fiercely sought after and they
usually go for the richest or strongest one they can find. Chubby plain-Jane types
try much harder and will
appreciate you more. (Have you seen Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains"?
If not, it's a must see!)
Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status
or even flashing that Rolex. Then you will never know if they want you or
Haven't you seen Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America"? If not, rent it.
True love does exist, but you have to play the game of love with patience. It
doesn't happen over night. You have to love yourself and I mean really love
being you, before another person can. The survival-of-the-fittest routine is
even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting
down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.
- x Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
The lowdown: I am a young attractive bisexual man living in NYC. Now, I have
no problem being bisexual and I am not one of those lurking in the corners
with the same-sex side of their love/lust. I have no problem getting dates
with either gender usually. The problem is that I would like your advice on whether
I should disclose that when I am dating or should I just let it go wherever
the wind blows? Men usually have fewer (or no) problems with it than women. I
ask because I was really into this one chick and I know she wanted me but got
cold feet; something was holding her back and I believe it was exactly this
issue. No, I am not sexually confused and I know how I like my bread buttered,
if you know what I mean. Just some etiquette tips for the bisexual set! Thanks
- Every Hole Henry
Woody Allen said, ""Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night." So I can see the positive side of being bi. I have pleased
a few ladies and it was fun, but I am no expert on "male on male" sex (even
though my uncle is flaming gay and proud).
Every guy I have dated asks me if I have had sex with women and I always tell
the truth, "Yes, I have. It was fun, but I prefer cock." And it usually never
comes up again. I always ask the guy if he has had sex with a man (it's only
fair, he asked me, so I get to ask to), and so far, the answer has always been
"no" (except one German guy who admitted to receiving a blow job from a guy
when he was younger). I have to admit, I looked at him differently after that.
I thought, well, this guy is very sexual, very open, but it also made me act
differently around his male friends. I was thinking in the back of my mind,
"which guy will suck my boyfriend off next?"
I think if you are asked, by
either sex, it is best to tell the truth. I don't think it's anybody's
business how many sexual partners you have had. But hiding your bisexuality
is not a good idea, especially if it is something you are proud of. Hopefully,
you practice safe sex, which should put everyone's mind at ease.
I personally could not date a guy who also fucks men. I just couldn't.
Especially after seeing "Brokeback Mountain." I would wonder whether the guy was
taking either sex seriously or not. (That movie also made me think "So, this is
the REAL reason men like to shag their women up the ass.")
You say one woman
got cold feet after she found out, or so you think. This could be so, but you
have to take that chance and stick up for your sexual preference. If they
can't handle your truth, they won't be able to handle you and your open-minded
sexuality. Gay, straight, bi, everyone should be proud of their preferences
and enjoy them as often as possible.
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and AMAZING sex. We have one
My boyfriend gets extremely rough when we kiss for a long time and I love this
but the problem is that his facial hair grows back super fast and I
get beard burn from him when we kiss.
My face gets so red and irritated. The skin gets all dry and flaky and sore.
He likes to cum in my mouth (which I LOVE) or on my face but when he does it on
my face, it makes the beard burn hurt even more.
I've tried washing my face with a mild exfoliant to shed the flaky skin and
using a heavy moisturizer afterward. I've tried wetting a towel with hot water
and then applying soap to it and gently scrubbing the area followed by heavy
moisturizer. None of these things have worked.
I tried soaking the area with Neosporin and this gave me some results but my
face still looks awful.
What can I do? Please help!
All of this trouble you go through seems silly. Why not just ask him to be
more gentle or go a few days without shaving if he wants to be rough. (It's the fresh stubble
that hurts like sand paper.) Ask him to use his lips when he kisses, not his whole face. If he
doesn't listen to your suggestions, you can rub Vaseline on your face before Mr. Stubble gets
a hold of you.
- Dr. Dot
I know it's bad, but for the last five months, I have been seeing a married
father of three. We get along so well and have hot, nasty sex every time we meet.
Recently I told him I met another guy
(I like to date others and have my freedom).
He flipped out and said he told his wife he was leaving her. He said he only
wants me. Part of me is flattered, but the other part knows I would get bored
if he was really mine and I would cheat and hurt him. I don't know what to do!
Please answer me as soon as possible!
- Free Bird Bonnie
Dear Free Bird,
Married men always say they're leaving their wives, but they seldom do. That's
why (which you just learned) it's
not a good idea to snack on married men. You never know if they are
bullshitting or not.
Write him an email or letter and tell him if he wants to keep
fucking you, he has to accept the fact that you want to remain single. You
enjoy your freedom and leaving his
wife for you would be a disaster.
Tell him it turns you on that he is taken and it would kill the passion if he wasn't. I
think he is calling your bluff, but just in case, you have to make it very clear
that you are free and want to stay free.
Writing this is better than saying it to his face. That way he can read it
over and over again until it sinks in.
Start your letter off with "Dear Fuck Buddy." This should clear things up.
- Dr. Dot
My boyfriend's spunk is so chunky, I would have to chew it to get it down. Not
only that, it smells like fish. We're talking chunky style clam chowder here
and he expects me to swallow his salty tide. He gets super annoyed if I don't do
this. Everything else is fine, but I am not down with this. I would need a blender.
Can you come up with a solution to this?
- Gagging Gail
Bring a bag of croutons into the bedroom and tell him
you need them to go with your clam chowder. Maybe that will bring the point
home. If not, next time he cums in your mouth, french kiss him right away, slip some
of his stew into his mouth and see how he likes it. If you don't have the balls to do
that, tell him he needs to drink more water and wank more often. A lack of fuilds is
what's clogging his pipes. If that doesn't work, tell him you will only blow
him if it doesn't involve taking his stew into your mouth. Smell and taste are
nature's way of telling you this partner is or isn't the right one to breed
- Dr. Dot
My job takes me on the road sometimes for up to eight week at a time. My wife and
I are in our mid 40s and our sex life is great when I'm at home but when I'm
away, she becomes all about everything but sex. I don't know how she cannot
feel the need for relief as I do during these long times apart. We have two
young boys (14/16) and she says she's too busy to even think about sex. I
have suggested other ways to spice up these weeks apart but she seems to want
no part of it. I've tried sexy emails and several suggestive type phone calls.
I even sent her X-rated pictures of myself but still NO LUCK! She says she
doesn't even think about sex when I'm away.
I don't know what to do to get
her motor running from long distance. She knows I need more sexual attention during
these lengthy road trips but also makes it clear to me she's just not in the
mood when I'm away. This response (or lack of) has become extremely frustrating and
has me resenting her somewhat for her disinterest. Please help! Should we see a
No, don't see a specialist. It will put too much pressure on an already tense
situation. Most wives want less sex than their husbands. I get such email messages every day.
All you can do is play upon her romantic side. Tell her she looks good, you miss her smile, you can't wait to massage her
feet again. Give her genuine compliments ("you are so smart and kind, you are
my wonder woman") and this will hopefully get her to want to reward
you with sex (or as women sometimes prefer, "love making").
Have you never heard the expression "women fuck to cuddle, men cuddle to
Keep that in mind at all times and follow through with your romantic promises,
foot rubs get all women horney! Just don't slack off; do it for at least 20
minutes, in a
candlelit room, with a glass of wine at hand. It should work!
By the way, most women don't get turned on by X-rated pics. It takes more
than a visual to get us going and you should be happy
that she says she is "not interested in sex at all when you aren't around." It
would be hell
if she were gaggin' for it while you were away. The UPS man would be having all
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I read your column all the time and saw your site and found out you do
massages. My girlfriend is always asking me to massage her, but I don't know
how. She says I suck at it. I know this isn't a sex or love question like most
of them, but if you could give me some advice on how to massage, I would be
- Fumbling Fred
Massage is the ultimate
way to spoil someone. If you want to give them an erotic massage, wait until
the end, after you have given them a thorough, proper massage. Then it will
mean more. Plus, anticipation is the best aphrodisiac.
- Dr. Dot
- Find some space: No massage table? No worries, find a few thick blankets
and make room on the floor. Naturally, a cushioned massage table is the best,
but a floor is second best.
- Set the mood: Make sure the room is warm and the lighting is soft. This
helps the person receiving the massage relax and stop worrying about how their
body appears. Always ask if they want music, and if so, let them choose.
- Dress or undress for comfort: When giving a massage, it is best to wear
loose-fitting clothing that breathes. Everyone involved with the massage
should remove all jewelry and long finger nails are a no-no. It should be up
to the recipient if they should completely undress or not.
- Tools: Blankets, sheets and towels -– to lay on and to cover the person while
massaging them; Hair ties -- get all hair out of the way; massage oil -- lotion
is a nightmare as it balls up constantly. The lube doesn't have to be
expensive. Even olive oil will do. As my hero Frank Zappa says: "Any kind of
lube will do, maybe from another part of you; lube from the north, lube from
the south. Take a little slobber from the side of your mouth. Keep it
- Have the person lie face down (unless they are pregnant, then a chair
massage is best, or on their side). Keep them warm: my method is always cover
the whole body except the area you are working on at the time. Roll up a few
towels or a pillow and put under shins to keep legs/feet comfy. If it is a
female she may want a pillow for the chest area.
- Lube time: Never put oil directly onto a person's skin; this is shocking
and cold and is sure to ruin the mood, so always warm the oil in your hands
first. A few drops of lavender in your oil will make the massage more relaxing
(or lemon to energize).
- Rub the back first; it is the biggest area, and there is a lot of tension
in the back and shoulders. Lean onto your hands to make the strokes nice
and strong. Putting one hand on top of the other increases the strength and
feels great for the recipient. Drag your finger tips heavily up and down the
back, just along side of the spine. Use your thumbs to rub the muscle that
runs from beneath the skull down to the shoulder in a firm motion. Never waste
a trip -- go down the back, and without losing skin contact, rub them up the
back as well. It is wonderful if you can do the whole massage without losing
skin contact. Always have one hand on the body. Also, I can not stress enough
how important it is to have very short nails. If you refuse to trim them, you
have to figure out how to use your finger tips without the nail, which is next
to impossible. One wrong move with a nail and the person will lie their
worrying about the next attack in stead of giving into the pleasure of a
- To be sure you are giving a great massage, just try to imagine the body
you are rubbing is your own. What would feel good to you? How would you like
to be rubbed? Always keep this in mind, and pamper the person. Ask them to be
quiet and just enjoy being pampered. Talking during a massage is counter
productive. If you must chat, save it for the foot massage, where you can both
have eye contact. Avoid cracking any bones; even if they ask for it. This can
lead to trouble (and lawsuits)!
- If the person wants more pressure, and your grip is not strong enough for
them, use your forearm and elbow to rub the muscles, avoiding bones. Bone on
bone is painful, especially the spine.
- After at least 20 minutes on the back, cover the back and move to the
legs. Kneel at the feet and use both hands to stroke up the leg, using body
weight (as always). Avoid too much pressure on back of knee -- this is painful.
Knead the legs with both hands. Do the pizza dough method: [see 15(B) below]
covering all areas, spoil your partner!
- I prefer to have the person lie on their back during the foot massage.
Place a pillow under the person's knees for comfort. Sit between their legs,
and face left when massaging the left foot and right when massaging the right
foot. This gives you the chance to chat and is the best position for handling the
foot. Use your thumbs and rub the arches firmly and try to keep a strong touch
to avoid tickling them. Twist both hands firmly around the foot to twist out
- Wash hands before moving onto face. Before you add more oil, gently rub
and stretch the neck from underneath, then use your fingertips to scrub the
scalp as if you were a hairdresser washing someone's hair. This feels amazing
when done correctly. The person receiving this vigorous scalp massage will
plead for you to never stop. After releasing scalp tension, put a tiny amount of
oil onto your hands and gently massage the face. Be extremely gentle around
the eyes and use firm circular movements on the forehead to relieve headaches
and tension. Be sure to massage all around the cheekbones and jaw. This
releases tension from talking and eating. Gently pinch along the eye brows,
squeezing the stress out of them. Make figure-8 movements on each temple with
- The Arms: Gently tug on each arm before rubbing them down, stroke firmly
up each arm with your hands cupped, and as always, go deep on the muscle but
light on the bones. Then go to the hands. Stretching the fingers feels
wonderful; gently tug on them and do circular pressures around each joint with
your thumb. Use firm pressure at the base of the thumb. This can be compared
to the arch in your foot. Pressure feels great there.
- When you massage the abdomen, be gentle yet firm enough that it
doesn't tickle them. Place hands side by side on the lower abdomen, and slowly
glide gently up towards the ribs. Then take both hands and glide them out and
over all the ribs and repeat. Use large circular movements to cover all areas.
Pretend your friend is giant pizza dough and knead the abdomen from side to
side, back and forth. This aids in digestion and relieves menstrual cramps as
well. Be extra careful and extremely gentle if the recipient is pregnant.
Don't be shocked if your recipient farts during the belly rub -- it means you
are doing a good job. Massage isn't always glamorous.
- Dr. Dot's techniques:
(A) Spider Walk: I "walk" up the back with my fingers,
rolling the skin as I go, in one fluent motion, which in my opinion, looks
and feels like a big spider walking up the back.
(B) Pizza Dough Method: I
stand at the patient's side, with both hands wide open, I twist the core of
the body in between both hands in a kneading motion, very firmly, like I would
(C) Bite Method: My most controversial technique, as no one else
does this, but it is the celebrity favorite. I naturally ask first if they
want to try it, and before adding any oil, I bite the whole back up and down
in a very fluent motion bit by bit, avoiding any bones. I take big bites,
obviously not firm enough to break skin, but firm and deep enough to go down,
grab and "tenderize" the back muscles, warming them up for the real rub
down that follows.
(D) Rolling Pin Method: Put both forearms on the person's
back, with elbows just an inch away from the spine. Go north towards the head with
one elbow; at the same time, go towards the buttocks with the other elbow
and then drag them both back together in the middle. Once again, please
avoid bone on bone.
(E) The Rake: Make your hands into a "rake" form and keep
them like this, very stiff. Rake the back from top to bottom. This takes a lot
of strength when done correctly, but feels wonderful.
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