NY Rock: Dear Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. We are healthy, happy and have a good sex life... though after 10 years of marriage and three years of dating prior, we at times have hit some "dry" spells. We've come out of them fine though, since we have turned up the dirty talk, fantasy sharing, and even the occasional strip club (her move).

Recently, in the middle of sex, she told me something that I hadn't imagined. Before meeting me, she had basically two boyfriends and with the one before me, they taped three of their sex sessions... and she had kept the tapes (she wouldn't let him take them... good move in retrospect).

She asked me if I'd like to watch with her as she hadn't seen them since we started dating (in college). At first, I didn't think I could take it, but we ended up watching and we had mind-blowing sex. Seeing her as a 21-year-old having very graphic sex with her then boyfriend was incredibly arousing. I don't think I could have handled this years ago, but since we trust each other and have a good marriage, I was able to manage the jealousy I felt and allow the raw sexual feelings to surface. We've watched them now about six or seven times and they haven't gotten old.

Is this healthy? We both feel a bit weird afterwards, but the sex is great and I notice she orgasms multiple times and more intensely than watching other porn or through straight sex. Anybody else ever deal with this before?
- Peeping Tom

Dear Tom,
Watching it once in a while is fine, but something tells me she is starting to get hooked on it, especially the fact that she cums harder and more often than with other porn. Maybe she is thinking of him when she fucks you, who knows. If you are enjoying the sex and no feelings are getting hurt, then why not? I think when porn becomes a regular feature in a couple's sex life, as in, more often than not, there is something lacking. Once in a while, it's HOT and probably standard, but if it's all the time and becomes a needed tool, what's next? Will you both need that to get off? Maybe it makes her hot seeing herself at age 21, as in "look how fucking hot I used to be." Fantasy is important and healthy, but having it on a video tape is a different story. Would she like to watch you bang a 20-year-old ex-girlfriend over and over again?

Don't suggest it anymore. See how often she suggests watching it and then decide if you can handle it or not. If it starts to bother you, you'll have to take a stand and tell her "enough is enough" and throw the "would you like to watch me bang a 20-year-old ex?" her way, but then there is always that chance she says "yes!" I think she doesn't want to let go of her past, her young body and hot ex-boyfriends. Peter Pan Syndrome goes porn... You might as well enjoy it until it starts to piss you off.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I've been married for four years and separated for about a year now. One of the biggest reasons for the separation is that we had no sex life, none whatsoever!!! I have been living with a Japanese girl for the past seven months and our sex life is incredible! I'm telling you, this girl is almost perfect (at least to me).

My problem is although everything is so good between us I can't stop wanting my wife (sexually). I truly believe that it's over between us (me and my wife), however, now she wants to give me all the sex I want. I have been sleeping with her when I go to pick up my son. I know this is wrong, however, I think that because I wanted her for so long, I'm jumping at every opportunity.

What do you do when you're with somebody but love someone else and know that you can't go back to the one you love??? I'm so mixed up!

Dear Anonymous,
"I'm in love, I'm, all shook up" -- we've all been there, buddy. It's called having your cake and wanting to eat it too. Sometimes putting the "forbidden" spin on a stale sex life makes it hot as hell again. I'm not sure if your wife knows about your current status, because if she does, that could be why she is suddenly so wet for you again (her competitive side has perked up and she is using her pussy to lure you back). Next time you fuck your wife, you know those moments of clarity after a good shag, where you just lie around for a few minutes, ask her straight out if she wants you back or just wants to be a fuck buddy. If she wants you back, you may have to say goodbye to your Asian girl, and there is no better excuse then, "My wife and I are going to give it another try." If your wife just wants you as her fuck buddy, you could always juggle the two (I can already hear the anti-cheat hate mail pouring in as I type this). But just because you love one person, doesn't mean you have to hate the rest.
- Dr. Dot

Dear J.J.,
Let's face it, cocks and especially balls are no pretty sight. At best, they look like an injured, plucked chicken. The hairs help hide the ugliness.

Waxing HURTS and this whole metrosexual movement makes me want to puke. I understand the manicure/pedicure part of it all, but anything else (eyebrow shaping, ball waxing, highlighted hair) is "queer as folk." It's hard enough in big cities telling apart the heteros from the homos and now almost every guy has better eyebrows than Madonna in her hey day.

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, your balls. Tell her it makes you feel more masculine with furry nads and warn her the inevitable stubble will shred her clit to bits. How about just trimming the hairs with a comb and scissors? (The comb prevents scissor/ball contact by only cutting hair that protrudes through teeth of comb.) Maybe she is after some sort of amusing revenge... heh heh.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Tim,
It is a muscle, the same as any other muscle. The more you use it, and work it out, the stronger and bigger it gets. In other words, wank until the cows come home. All guys brag about their cocks, and they are usually exaggerating. The guys who really are packing a big pistol don't need to brag about it. Most think they have a HUGE cock, when in reality only a small percentage of men have a Wonder Willy (as in, when it's hard, it goes up past the navel and you can barely get your hand around it). If you feel yours is too small, learn to give oral (hey, aren't you only 16?!) like your life depends on it. If you learn to lick a girl the right way, she won't care about how big your cock is. Trust me.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
Me and my best friend decided to treat my boyfriend to a special birthday present. Since it's basically every guys dream to have two women at once in bed, I thought it best to do it with someone I know and not some stranger (don't want any diseases). It was so hot licking my girlfriend's tiny pussy until she came in my mouth, and all the while having my boyfriend watch while he pleasured himself (the only rule was he couldn't touch her, he could just watch). It was super exciting but now my best friend is acting different, like she wants more of me. Since that night, she flirts with me and is super clingy. How can I tell her it was just a one-time deal without losing my friend? I had fun, but I am not gay, or even bi. I am starting to think she is though.
Confused Connie

Dear Connie,
Most women have at least kissed another female and can lick pussy better than most men can. Why? Because we have one.

She has probably never had it done correctly before; this is the problem. I can't stand it when people beat around the bush. Just meet with her in a cafe and tell it like it is. Tell her that you love your boyfriend; you still love her as a friend, but you are not a muff diver by trade. Help her learn to direct her next conquest when it comes to oral sex. Men can do it as good as a woman if they have been with a verbally direct woman. She just needs to tell the next person who goes down on her how to do it exactly like she likes it and (hopefully) her infatuation with your magic mouth will pass.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Wanker,
No. You could get a job (or girlfriend) that keeps you so busy that you won't have so much time for your "addiction."
- Dr. Dot

Hi Dr. Dot,
I am a happily married thirty-nine-year-old man. My wife and I are largely compatible on a lot of levels: intellectual, emotional, sexual, and social. She is a fantastic woman: reasonable, tolerant, giving -- and, under her respectable facade, lies a freaky little freak. My only consistent complaint has to do with the fact that she appears to be unwilling or unable to maintain any level of physical fitness. She is still attractive to me, but the lack of "tone" is starting to be bothersome. This is one of the few topics about which she is less than sane. This bothers me on several levels. On one hand, I want her to be healthy and happy in her own skin, and it seems she's happier when she's fit. On the other hand, I am in pretty good shape for a guy pushing 40, and would like to come home to someone who looks pretty good naked. Any suggestions on how I can encourage her without pissing her off?
- Thanks, Fit to Be Tied

Dear Fit,
Only thing you can do is get active with her and fill the house with healthy foods. Mentioning it to her will only make her eat more and resent you! Get busy. Ask her to walk with you. Go swimming. Fuck more often. Give her a health-club membership for Valentine's day. Things like that, nothing too obvious. Or, you could shock her into getting into shape: since she is so "freaky," set up a video camera and film some of your sex sessions. Then when you both watch it together, she will finally see what you have to look at, a flabby version of your hot wife...
- xo Dr. Dot

Dear AA,
People have been shoving things up their asses since the beginning of time, so you can't be all that weird. No need to come out and ask for anal penetration, just slowly guide her hands to where you want the fun. You could always buy her a dildo and act like it's for her and then one night in a drunken blur, guide her hand with dildo in tow up your poop shoot ("ram it ram it ram it, ram it up your poop shoot"). Why all the fear of kinky sex? If it feels good, do it.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Cindy,
A little bit of jealousy is normal. It is a sign of passion and interest, and shows the person loves you and is afraid of losing you to others. But too much jealousy is an illness that can't be cured. When it's too dramatic, it is more about power and control, than love. Extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity and nothing, not even marriage and/or having kids together, can fix it (though therapy might help). As far as his mom goes, the mom will always take the son's side, even if he is a mass murderer. So don't waste your time trying to gain approval. Either they like you or they don't. What his family thinks of you is the least of your problems when you have a jealous, tattle-tale type guy up your ass. In the end, the person has to be easy to be with or it's not worth it. Life is short and difficult enough. Why add more stress and drama to it? If your partner causes more trouble than pleasure, it's time to break free.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Maggie,
Old? You are still younger than Madonna! Stop looking for love. Just keep busy, stay healthy and groom yourself the best you can and it will find you when you are happy being alone. I know several people who met "the one" late in life. The harder you look, the longer it will take before you meet "him". Life is like a river. Just let it flow. Don't try to swim against the current. It fucks everything up. No one will come and rescue your lonely, miserable self, no matter what age you are. People are attracted to happy, positive people, not lost and lonely souls. That "pick me, I'm sad and lonely" crap only works for animals in pet stores.
- Dr. Dot

Dear PP,
I am so over heels. I only wear them in the bedroom and that's that. Tell him you are on strike and will only wear them in the house. If he moans about it, buy him some heels in his size and ask him to walk around in them for a few hours and that will be the end of that topic. Sure, some guys love high heels, but wearing them in the house to seduce them will do.... AND oddly enough, the more laid back you are dressed in public, the more guys will approach you. All men gawk at a scantily dressed femme fatale, but most don't have the balls to approach her. They think (1) High maintenance (2) Too expensive (3) "I'm not worthy."

If you wear sexy jeans with a cute top and comfy shoes, you will appear more approachable and happy because high heels hurt so much they turn even the sweetest girl into a raging bitch by midnight. In short, men usually don't care what you wear on your feet, as long as you look cute, a tad sexy and clean. Same with those long fake porno nails girls have cemented on; I've never heard ONE guy say "oh you should have seen her, her nails/shoes were so HOT!"

Try some cute platforms, they make you taller, look feminine but don't have that painful downhill form. No love is worth suffering for.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Quick Dick,
You're not going to like my answer, but I'm not one to sugar coat. When you wank, there is definitely a time when you know you are going to cum and if you want to, you can put it off a while to enjoy yourself a tad longer. It's the same thing when it comes to fucking. A generous man knows when he is approaching that "road" to orgasm and will hold off until his lady cums first (not sure how it works with gay men, I mean, with heteros, it's ladies first, but with gays, who goes first?).

Anyway, cuming after one minute of being inside your date shows you are a selfish prick (or there is a medical problem you need to have taken care of). YES, it feels good; so good you want to shoot your load, but wait until you make her cum first! If you absolutely can't get your cock to cooperate, you should lick her until she cums, then have your one-minute ride. I wouldn't put up with it, but then again, there are a lot of females who don't care so much about sex, so there is still hope for you after all.
- Dr. Dot

Hi DD,
You are my only hope. My boyfriend of 10 months told me that I don't blow him well. Well, I don't do it often, but he never asks for it anymore (now I know why!). I don't mind doing it, especially because he is really good at returning the favor. The sex is great (I always cum), but I want to spoil him orally. He says he tried to tell me when it feels good, but I'm not persistent enough. I can't just do it the same way all the time. My back and neck get tired and his penis is pretty big, so I need to take it out once in a while. He says he can feel my teeth and it hurts him. (I don't even feel my teeth touching it, so I don't know how it happens.) He actually went from being hard to soft in my mouth last night, which means I am on the "Highway to Oral Hell."
- Confused, but Eager!

Dear Eager,
Make him sit on the edge of a bed or sofa (this will prevent your neck from hurting and you can take your sweet old time). You kneel down onto a pillow to protect your knees and take his cock into your best hand. (If you are left handed, use your left hand. If you are right handed, use your right hand.) Hold his cock very firm, and the most important thing is to imagine the whole time how it feels for his cock. Just like us girls like a big fat cock, men like a small, tight, wet pussy. Suck on the tip of the cock and at the same time, use your hand to hold it tightly, but stroke it like he is fucking your pussy. He should only notice that you have it in your mouth; he shouldn't notice your hand much. From time to time take more of it into your mouth, when you have more of him in your mouth, move your hand towards the base.

You could always cup his balls with your other hand if he likes it (you may have to ask his preference). Keep his cock wet so your hand slides nicely while you keep the head of the cock in your mouth the whole time. Your mouth and hand should work together, the same pace, the same direction, the same stroke. Ask him once, "Does this feel good baby?" and if he says yes, KEEP at it until he cums. (You should ask him beforehand if he wants to see himself cum into your mouth. If yes, close your eyes and keep your mouth open, all the while firmly stroking him. Keep your eyes closed because sperm will burn your eyes and make them red and swollen for hours.) If you haven't asked him his orgasm preference, then have him cum into your mouth while it's still in there and don't miss a beat. Store some of his cum in your cheeks like a hamster does food, and swallow a tiny bit at a time so you don't choke or gag, which is a total mood killer. He will be happy if you swallow his cum. Try to look him in the eyes once in a while when you blow him. This makes him know that you accept him, which is important.

About the teeth situation, roll your lips over your teeth and keep it like that the whole time you are blowing him. Never forget this, or you will ruin it and scare his erection off for good. Pretend you have no teeth at all; think "I am GUMBY dammit!"
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
After three years of blissful dating, my boyfriend and I finally moved in together four months ago (he moved into my place because it's bigger and in a better area). Ever since we have lived together, he has been moody and puts me down verbally (even in front of mutual friends). He won't go down on me anymore and I fear we are doomed. Do you think living together was a bad idea? How can I save our relationship? I am crazy about him and don't want to lose him!
- Freaked out Francine

Dear Francine,
You know that term "a man's home is his castle"? It's old, but still applies to the modern-day cave man. It's always better when the woman moves into the man's place (unless your last name is Federline) or when you find a new, mutual place together. No matter how modern the times get, men still like to be the caretaker and the king of their domain. He probably feels like an incapable boy or a guest, which explains his tiny tantrums. Since he can't be the big guy who gave you shelter, he has to bring you down a few notches by insulting you and withholding *gasp* oral sex. I realize it may be difficult, but finding a new place (let him pick it out) and moving in there is probably the key to success for you two. If that's not possible, you have to let him know being nasty to you may make him feel big and strong, but will also leave him single. Even though I'm not a fan, Lil' Kim hit the nail on the head when she said "if you ain't lickin' it, you ain't stickin' it."
- Dr. Dot