© 2006 Dr. Dot, NY Rock Dr. Dot (a nickname given by Frank Zappa in 1988) has tended to the musical elite for nearly two decades. She describes herself as a "rock chick" who, as a teenager, wanted to meet her musical heroes without trading sexual favors. Instead, Dr. Dot offered massages, which she had been perfecting since she was five years old. Clients have included Sting, Eminem, the Rolling Stones, Sheryl Crow, Robert Plant, Kiss, Aerosmith, Blondie, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Vin Diesel, R. Kelly and Bruce Willis. She recently completed her first American book, "Butt-Naked and Backstage: Diary of the World's Greatest Rock and Roll Masseuse." Submit a question to Dr. Dot

Dear Suzy,
A man doesn't necessarily need porn to wank. Throughout their day, they gather sexy images they see – for example, a hot waitress bending down to wipe the floor or some cleavage they saw on the underground – and they store these hot images in their "wank bank" for use later when they are wanking, or even fucking their girlfriend to spice things up. There is nothing wrong with wanking. It's like breathing for them. You can't stop it and shouldn't even try to. Don't even mention it. No one fucks them like their hand. Porn is the best invention on earth as far as men are concerned. 99.9 percent of men watch porn. It's fine as long he doesn't leave it laying around for all to see or let it replace your sex life. You could suggest wanking with him. You both watch a video together and lie side by side and wank. (If you don't know what wank means, it's slang for masturbate – it's shorter and sounds better than "jerking off." I fucking HATE that term.) Or ask him if he will let you watch him wank in order to please him better or vice versa. If he isn't into any of that, just let him wank away. You can't compete with a man's hand and at least he is fucking his hand and not other women.
- Dr. Dot

Watching girls in porn get it up the ass leads men to believe we all secretly want it in the poop shoot. Honestly, it's a real pain in the ass and those eager chicks in porn are getting paid to act like they want it in the ass. Don't let those videos fool you. I don't know one girl who likes anal sex. (Please spare me the emails telling me you know tons of chicks who love anal.) Some females even do it to keep their man, to be the unique creature that does take it up the ass, secretly suffering all the while.

Before I give you tips on how to convince her, let me suggest taking a dildo and ramming it up your ass repeatedly (wouldn't want you missing out on any of the fun). If that feels good to you, then proceed with asking her again to allow you to fuck her in the ass. Make her cum first, either orally or through penetration. This will make her more tolerant, happy and loose. Roll her onto her belly and massage her butt for a while, then perhaps lick her too (hopefully, she showered pre-sex). Start with your fingers and lots of lube. If she is ok with this, you are half the way there. Roll her over again onto her back and tell her you heard this is the least painful position to have anal sex. Let her guide your cock so she has control as to how fast, how deep, etc. Never just force yourself in there; it's super painful (unless you have a dick the size of a little finger). That is the most gentle way to introduce her into anal sex but if she doesn't want it, fantasize about it. You shouldn't push the issue. If she does go for it, know that it is really bad to go from the back door into the front door again without showering first; never bring anal germs into the sacred vagina.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Heidi,
It may be hard for you to imagine this, but it sounds to me like he is cheating on you. This is just a possibility. A lot of men cheat on their pregnant girlfriend/wife. And that doesn't mean they would dump the lover(s) when the baby arrives. Something about a pregnant woman makes a man want to cheat. Look at Mick Jagger and Boris Becker. Both cheated while their wives were pregnant and these are just a couple of famous examples. Men sometimes freak out when the reality of being together forever sets in (unless they insisted on the baby), and pregnancy and being slightly less important than they used to be sets the stage for wanting an affair.

Men HATE therapy and even mentioning it to him will drive him further away. In my opinion, it would only make things worse! It's Mother Nature's Catch-22 that having a baby to show a man you love him actually is what drives him into the arms of another or dampens the sex life you once had for each other, but that's how it works sometimes. Occasionally, men want to think of their pregnant wife as pure, holy, basically unfuckable. It is hard for some guys to think of the mother of their baby as sexy, so you have to work at it a bit to prove them wrong. Show them you are still the hot bitch they once lusted after.

All you can really do is be yourself, and dress/act sexy around him when the baby is asleep, or if you have the money, get a baby sitter once a week (or trade with another mom) and insist you two go out together on a date (don't call it a date). Paying a baby sitter is far better then paying for a therapist, which would make him feel like you are accusing him of fucking things up. Don't even mention the word THERAPY! He is being a normal man. They get bored with the whole baby thing and/or domestic routine. Make sure you find time for him, just like before the baby came. Don't talk about the change, just do it. Dress hot when you two go out and get my secret-weapon perfume, Hypnotic Poison by Christian Dior. NO man can resist this smell. Offer him a massage after you two go out – this is the perfect way to get him loose and in the mood without being too forceful. It would be best to let him make the first move. And if it never comes, if he never wants sex with you again, you have to either accept it or move on. No one should stay in a relationship that has no touching, caring, sex or passion.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Reader,
As hard as it is to hear, yes, he could be very happily married and still do this. He is, however, lacking respect if he is doing it in your mutual home/bed. He must really, really need sex to take such a risk or just not care, but both reasons are dictated by his penis. He could still be very much in love with his wife, but just need a fuck and, hence, he does such things. Men can separate sex and love fairly easily, whereas we can't (some of us maybe, but most of us can't). Ask him if it was just a fling or is he in love with her. Then get back to me.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Yolanda,
Myspace is fun but the cause of SOOOO many fights. I too have a myspace account and get loads of messages on there from frustrated myspace love birds. This is a growing problem. Myspace brought you two together but can also destroy what you have unless you sort things out fast. Tell him what I find very obvious: any really naughty business would never appear as a comment. It would happen in private messages, so he needs to calm the fuck down about your comments. The real problem is trust. For some reason he doesn't trust you and this will doom your relationship. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Also, if you do leave provocative comments on other guys' pages, you need to compromise. You calm down with your flirty comments and he should stop cyber stalking you. He is searching for proof whether you love him or not. If you do love him, show him and make him feel secure. If that doesn't help, then it's his problem. Let him deal with his insecurities. Just make sure you tell him you don't want to hear it. Myspace is just for fun. It shouldn't be taken so seriously.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Polly,
This all depends on how much she loved him and who dumped whom. If she dumped him, chances are, she won't care. But if he dumped her and she was hurt, I wouldn't even go there. There are just some men you shouldn't put your hands on, no matter how many years have gone by after the break up.

You could always ask her but make sure it's in person so you can see her reaction. If she even flinches, and this is indeed a good friend, forget him. Men can come and go, but a good girlfriend is forever. I personally can't stand females who put cock before friendship. Meow.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Gary,
Believe it or not, the "vinegar" (slightly acidic) smell/taste is that of a healthy vagina. When it smells like fish, then you have to worry (and go on a hunger strike). Think of it as eating a healthy salad, with vinaigrette dressing. Some folks can change their smell and taste by eating more fruit and veggies and avoiding cigarettes/coffee/alcohol in large quantities. Mentioning such a thing to a partner is never easy, especially in the beginning, but if the smell/taste is so bad, it is Mother Nature's way of saying, "Avoid breeding with this person." Try showering with her and then munch on her, if the taste/smell still bothers you, time to eat out somewhere else.
- Dr. Dot

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