June 29, 2001 – I realized I made a minor (yet amusing) mistake. It's the July issue of NY Rock Confidential, right, and I write up an ENGLISH band (hello, Independence Day).

In the wake of European bands like Coldplay, Idlewild, and Mogwai gaining credibility in America faster than the fading of Fred Durst, it seems only natural for a band like Porcupine Tree to be imported in the hopes of becoming (economically) fashionable.

Porcupine Tree is a British band that has received a lot of praise throughout Europe for its atmospheric rock 'n' roll. I've never heard of them but a lot of people have; the Bottom Line was as packed as I've ever seen it, leaving me to sit all the way in the back of the club, squished between two big dudes. I know it was Porcupine Tree's big American moment – their sixth full-length album, Lightbulb Sun, was recently released, and an A&R rep from a major label was in the house, scouting them out. The audience put on a show that was as impressive as the band's. The responses were unbelievably enthusiastic; the crowd was hanging on every beat and exploding into applause after every song. Some people gave the band standing ovations.

Lead singer/guitarist Steven Wilson is your classic stick-thin Brit rocker, and he looks like a mixture of Ozzy Osbourne, Evan Dando and Suzanne Vega. He wore circle-framed sunglasses and a tight black T-shirt that ended below his belly button. His guitar solos looked annoyingly effortless, and they took turns sharing the spotlight with his soft vocals. Drummer Chris Maitland's kit was huge (ahem), and he utilized every square inch of it. Bassist Colin Edwin smiled to himself a lot, and Richard Barbieri worked keyboards and a mystery instrument that I have named "the thing with knobs and switches." Since Porcupine Tree has a thing with knobs and switches, I am entitled to use the word "prog" (as in "prog rock") to describe their style.

Yes, the band is very impressive, although there were many – how should I say – Pink Floydian slips. If you've ever been to the Pink Floyd laser-light show at the Museum of Natural History, you get the gist of Porcupine Tree. That's certainly not an insult, but it underscores the band's musical novelty. Their sound is weirdly sonic and groovy, with rock eruptions that could make you drool, yet everything is richly harmonious. Let me put it this way, Porcupine Tree would be the perfect band to write the score for the Discovery Channel's specials on unexplained phenomena.

"America excels when it comes to religious lunatics.... I've written many songs on the subject," Wilson said as the introduction to a song about the Heaven's Gate cult's mass suicide. The song's name was taken from the last line of the suicide note: "Last Chance to Evacuate Planet Earth Before It Is Recycled." The song even included the audio of the recorded note by the leader of Heaven's Gate. Who are the eccentric ones again? Americans?

Wilson was beginning to get on my nerves. He started getting a bit pompous but we're supposed to excuse him because, after all, he's skinny and mysterious and British. Blow me, Jeeves. The final straw came when he dissed pop music.

"Does the world need any more boy bands or girl bands?"

No, the world needs more Radiohead rip-offs.

"No, does it really?" Wilson said smugly. "These so-called musicians claim to sing love songs.... How can these people know anything about love? They're, like, 15." Oh, hardee-har-har goes the crowd. Oh Steve, you're so witty! The boy and girl bands are performers; you'll hardly ever hear them call themselves "musicians." Someone takes his entertainment a bit too seriously. Yes, your band's music is much more intense and intelligent than pop cheese, but you, too, take full advantage of synthetic sounds. Go push some buttons, stomp on a variety of distortion pedals, or fart on an amp and show us some "real" music. Friggin wanker.

But hey, what do I know? The audience was on cloud nine. Guys that you'd expect to see in sports bars were giddy and rocking in their chairs. These people had obviously been crossing off the days on their calendars in anticipation. From their reaction, I'd say it was worth their wait. I, on the other hand, asserted my independence and left early.