Adult actors moonlighting as musicians is just a bad idea. Here are some examples I can recite in half a breath: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Bruce Willis, Don Johnson, Billy Bob Thorton, Gina Gershon. Enigmas like John Tesh and David Hasslehoff sell a bunch of records to consumers who are either tone-deaf and/or really big losers. So whenever I read about an actor/actress who has "always really been into music," I get ready to blast the hell out of their album because I enjoy taking pot-shots at grossly overpaid turds.

With that in mind, I must eat my own words when it comes to Juliette Lewis. She formed Juliette and the Licks and has been twisting heads all over the country with her frenzied live performances. She even made a knee-buckling guest appearance on the Prodigy's latest album Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned, on the track "Hot Rise." (Confession: the other reason I'm at all interested in this band is because of the drummer, Patty Schemel, who used to bring the noise when she played in Hole.)

Making my way to the way-the-fuck-out-of-the-way Tribeca Rock Club on November 13, 2004, I shuffled to the front of the dark stage area where really well-dressed young women with Pantene-perfect hair were sipping their drinks through skinny straws. No doubt they were swooning to the sounds of newbie Val Emmich, who opened the show with his young-man-soft-angst emo music that sticks out in my mind for one reason – it makes Emmich sound like he's about to pull a Fred Durst and break stuff. One of the songs on his album Slow Down Kid has him timidly singing along, la dee da, when all of a sudden, it sounds like the Hulk has taken over. Emmich grits his teeth and mutters something about wanting to "break your fucking face." John Tesh, eat your heart out.

When the Licks pushed their way to the stage and I got my first look at Juliette, my jaw hit my shoes. She was so unbelievably fit, she made Iggy Pop look like George Costanza. Wearing yellow spandex pants with a black stripe down the sides and an exposed zipper, Juliette made me want to immediately start taking tae bo lessons. The prognosis looked good, but still, I said a solemn prayer to Johnny Thunders that this band not suck ass.

"New York, are you ready for a motherfucking rock show? Cause we're gonna give it to you," she shouted. Juliette made a muscle with her arms, dragged her tongue along her flexed bicep, and proceeded to unleash a devilish and almost violent stage show. David Lee Roth was a huge inspiration to her, but I wasn't expecting her antics to gouge my eyeballs out the way they did. The music is catchier than typical rock-n-roll fare, and as the Licks cut into songs off their debut EP …Like A Bolt Of Lightning, Juliette howled and shredded her way through the set, limbs flailing. She'd work herself into such a frenzy that she'd periodically just start running in place, punching the air, and basically doing everything she could not to explode into a thousand pieces. Her voice wasn't exactly memorable, but the bitchin attitude that makes rock n roll come alive was there in spades. And though the tunes were less heavy than Hole's, Patty Schemel looked happier backing Juliette than I ever saw her with Courtney.

At the end of the night, Juliette further got her rock freak on by stage diving into a crowd of fans who were all but foaming at the mouth. Some dude behind me was screaming "Hot pussy!" at the top of his lugs, followed by unintelligible wailing, as if he was in agony. So for a while, all I heard was "hot pussy aaaarrrrghghghgh hot pussy!" Can't argue with that.

Send This Page to a Friend • Join Our Mailing List • Current Stories
Indie CD Reviews • Musicians' Classifieds • NYC Gig Listings