Be Well, Ramones Beat On Cancer

October 8, 2004, Spirit, New York, NY

As I waited outside Spirit's 27th street entrance on a line that went all the way down the cruddy block, a little girl paraded down the sidewalk, holding up a sign that said "Forest Hills Remembers the Ramones" in glittery letters. She was followed by her mother and father, who held up similar signs. They were saluting the Forest Hills, Queens natives – the Ramones. This beautiful, heartfelt moment was crushed when some chick on a cellphone stuck her wildly made-up face in mine and barked, "Is this the line for the Strokes show?" Sigh. Before I finished nodding, she had flitted away.

Tonight, though, I didn't have the slightest desire to punch annoying cretins in the face. Before Johnny Ramone passed away on September 15, 2004, he had planned an October 8, 2004 show with some of his favorite bands. The show was to raise money for Cedars-Sinai Cancer Research Center and Lymphoma Research Foundation and also to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the greatest band that ever was, the Ramones. October 8, 2004 was also Johnny's 56th birthday. Hosted by Joey Ramone's brother Mickey Leigh, the night was what some hot-shot Entertainment Tonight reporters would describe as "star-studded." But if you've lived in NYC for any period of time, these "stars" are more like locals who just keep hanging around. They included Arturo Vega, the Ramones artistic director (it always cracked me up that the Ramones had an "artistic director"), Blondie, Sonic Youth, the Strokes, Joan Jett, Rob Zombie, and original drummer Tommy Ramone.

Just as plentiful were the display cases featuring tons of photos, fliers, Johnny's guitar, Tommy's glasses, Joey's gloves, lyric sheets, and other obscure shwag. Every Ramone had his defining personality, and Johnny was the businessman. His monthly planners were immaculate. Each little square of each calendar month had the name of the club, a contact person, and a phone number written in pencil. Even his handwriting was legible. Amazing.

The night took off when Sonic Youth played one of their trademark distorted and disarming sets, and singer/guitarist Thurston Moore's out-of-tune guitar nearly caused NYRock's Otto Luck to leap out of his skin. Bassist/singer/badass Kim Gordon apologized, citing a new guitar technician as the fault. (Let it be known that this event happened before Ashley Simpson flubbed her Saturday Night Live appearance.) Bathed in sapphire-blue light, the band crushed, wailed, and droned their way to ecstasy.

Next up was a bit of Ramones karaoke with a live band featuring drummer Bill Stevenson, bassist CJ Ramone, and guitarist Daniel Rey. First up was Alan Vega from Suicide who did some rigid, warbly, robo version of "I Don't Care." Then Andrew WK god bless his passionate soul, got up there, visibly nervous, already soaking wet with water or sweat (hopefully nothing else) and kicked out a burly rendition of "53rd and 3rd" and "I Believe in Miracles." So consumed by the energy of the moment, AWK took to screaming like a banshee: "Ahh buh-laaaave in ma-ra-AAAAAGGHHHHH!!" while the crowd cheered him on. Oh Andrew. Swoon.

Next was Queens of the Stone Age front man Josh Homme who was sporting a wicked case of hat-head. His orange hair was plastered to his head and then stuck out in little flippy wings near his neck. Grand gaffe of the evening: Homme came onstage puffing a cigarette. Ignoring NYC's no-smoking laws and huffing something to the effect of "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em," Josh neglected to honor the fact that this show was A FUNDRAISER FOR CANCER RESEARCH. Nice job, pinhead. But the dude is a latter day Rico Suave (dating the delicious Brody Dalle of the Distillers helps things, I'm sure). And on "Teenage Lobotomy," Homme proved he's quite a good modern-day impersonator of Joey Ramone. For "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend," he summoned all his tender '60s girl-group love and crooned like a dreamboat.

Speaking of honest-to-goddess dreamboats, when Joan Jett took the stage, everyone in the crowd sprung to life. (Heh heh, "sprung" heh heh.) I can tell you that my smile got brighter and my pants got tighter. Sporting a late-'90s Pat Benetar-ish hairdo, Joan took "Judy Is a Punk" and "Rockaway Beach" and set them on fire. Not only is she one of the most exemplary rhythm guitarists ever to strap one on (heh heh), but that dry, ravishing yowl of hers is the aural equivalent of the Ramones' worn-through black-leather jackets. It's tuff, bad, and sexy.

When CJ and company tried to get Rob Zombie onstage to sing "I Wanna Be Sedated," Zombie wouldn't comply, so Tommy Ramone stepped in. The dude screwed up the song something fierce, but the crowd helped him out and you couldn't help but get a little lump in your throat.

The Strokes were up next and played a fine set to all their adoring fans. To their delight (and others' annoyance), singer Julian Casablancas decided to climb on top of the crowd and sing "Alone Together." "God bless you all, and God bless the Ramones," he slurred before the band exited.

Blondie capped off the night with a majestic performance that included "Atomic," "Call Me," and "Maria." Deborah Harry wore a black-leather jacket and when she doffed it, the lady caused a bevy of whoops. At 59 years young, the chickie is still making the boys and girls weak in the knees. What was making me weak in the knees – aside from Deborah – was the sub-zero temperature in Spirit, so I ducked out before Blondie were done, but not before visiting the display cases holding Johnny's calendars one last time. Hey ho, sad to see you go.